NTMP 80: Pancake Machine
Mx. Funny Little Poopy Head, Esq.
New-to-me Phrases, September 3, 2023
The Phrases, With Context
I’m back from vacation and my usual post-vacation “what-even-is-my-life?” ennui. This is the longest break I’ve taken since starting NTMP back in January 2022.
Did you know there’s an NTMP archive? Now you do.
Did you miss getting phrases each week? I know I missed sharing them with you, but I also needed a break from work so I could pull my stupid face allll the way out of my stupid laptop and my stupid phone. This benefits us both, because boy howdy, do I have an awesome backlog of phrases to share over the coming weeks.
This week, it’s all about vacation mode and the things we saw while driving across the U.S. from Illinois to Colorado listening to comedy podcasts and arriving home to a speed camera ticket from Iowa. What’s your problem, Iowa? You mad because you’re so boring?
Anyway, vacation was good, time off was good, I got you some phrases, you’re welcome.
But first, a poll!
August was a shorter month here at NTMP but I shan’t deprive you of the monthly poll:
Let’s get to it!
1. Grain Legs
We saw this silly phrase on the back of a truck and had to look it up.
According to the DeKalb County Farm Bureau, grain legs are grain elevators that lift grain into grain bins. Why not call them grain elevators, then? Because it’s not as fun.
2. Harold “Pie” Keller
We saw this name on a sign in (still boring!) Iowa and learned that Keller was one of the soldiers pictured in the iconic photo of soldiers raising the American flag at Iwo Jima in WWII. However, another soldier was named in the photo instead of Keller, and the error wasn’t detected until after his death.
The “Pie” nickname came from Keller’s high school football days, where he ate too much pie before a game and barfed all over the field in front of a crowd. Classic dude moves—the hurling and the lifelong nickname because of it.
3. Festies with besties
This phrase was in an ad for Wisconsin tourism and while I hate it, it’s definitely clever and emblematic of this summer of Taylor Swift shows. I’m not a Swiftie, but I’m not not a Swiftie, and I have been vicariously feeding off of the radiant joy from fans attending these shows this year.
This is the brand name for what my family calls The Pancake Machine, which is a “touchless pancake maker” found at many Holiday Inn Express hotels and expertly demonstrated by Bill Oakley here (click for the best possible soundtrack)1. The conveyor belt has the similarly mesmerizing effect of a car wash, except instead of a clean car you get reasonably edible pancakes at the end.
The PopCake website has some bangin’ marketing copy. “Contactless pancake machine” should win an award. If you want a PopCake machine of your own, it’ll run you around $3,700.
5. Harry Morgan Community College
Tell me you’re a Gen Xer or older without telling me you’re a Gen Xer or older.
I don’t know why I’m so proud of this joke. Maybe it’s because I was obsessed with M*A*S*H as a kid, but this was my nickname for Fort Morgan Community College in Fort Morgan, Colorado. I think they should rename the town Harry Morgan, too. Just make it a whole thing.
6. Butt Depot
While driving, my husband mis-heard me call out (in a stoner voice) the name of the fine establishment known as Bud Depot.
I like to picture this as a megastore like Home Depot, except for butts. Instead of an orange sign, a brown one. Etcetera.
7. Funny Little Poopy Head
My husband made me listen to the Fly on the Wall podcast featuring SNL alumni Dana Carvey and David Spade2. It’s a (mostly old, white, male) celebrity fawn-fest but you do get to learn a lot about how the comedy sausage is made, which I really dig.
According to Carvey, Funny Little Poopy Head is a sketch that never made it on the show. (Or maybe it did?) Jan Hooks was cast as Mrs. Funny Little Poopy Head (a chef’s-kiss detail).
One of my favorite things about comedy is comedians fucking with each other. Carvey wrote elaborate stage directions using Funny Little Poopy Head and Mrs. Funny Little Poopy Head just to make Lorne Michaels have to read them over and over during pre-show read-through.
What an awesome brand name, right?
Is this a water park? An outdoor retailer?
Turns out, it’s a . . .
It’s a tire store.
::sad trombone, balloon deflating, fart sound, Hindenburg crashing::
9. Booby bag
This is what you get when you wear a fanny pack across your chest. Those are the rules. And yes, I know it’s a ::intensely serious Rocky Mountain outdoorsy voice:: cross-body bag, but booby bag is funnier and therefore superior.
10. Bean and Cheese Blumb
We got to hang with friends on this trip (including NTMP rock star phrase donor Rebecca! and OG NTMP supporter Ashley!).
On one of our outings with pals we had amazing taco truck food at a brewery. The handwritten menu made the word “burrito” look like “blumb.” I didn’t try one but I hear they’re grb.
That’s it for this week! Stay furiously curious out there.
I’m noticing that podcasts are starting to ditch having a website or landing page. Just listen via your favorite outlet.