I totally get that and it makes sense! I’m definitely using some of your pointers and ideas here! And I totally love that it got long! I appreciate that so much! My oldest 2 have ASD and some chores just don’t work as well. I’ve tried to assign things according to “skill” level.
I’ve told them that I can’t do everything myself, but I like that you frame it in teamwork terms. I think that sounds like a good framework that may be more effective!
I also love the assigning chores by sensory issues!! That makes so much sense! All 4 of mine have sensory issues - all different of course.
Hahahaha the backpack finds!!! I get that so much!
Of course! It's hard to find other parents who deal with this stuff once kids are out of elementary school, at least in my experience.
Re: having them team up - I also encourage them to make sure the division of labor feels equitable.
One last thing - autonomy for people with ASD is HUGE and I think often overlooked in what I've read about it. Giving my kids choices and a sense of agency and knowledge that they have different options, can adjust the timing for things, etc. has been a big help. But that has to be balanced against executive functioning issues where overwhelm causes procrastination/negative self-talk. It's not always an exact system.
Omg I love “snack holes!” My youngest came out from school on Thursday explaining how a banana exploded in his coat pocket 🤣🙄
And I can’t believe I’ve never thought of “poop doody!!” (How do you get your kids to help clean cages?!?! LOL! I’m going to make them help me next time!)
I had a “mommy blog” that I thought I so cleverly titled “The Poopy Patrol,” but every time I try to search for it there are a lot of companies for dog poop named similar! (I quit writing there back in 2012 I think? And will remember a post and go searching.
Oh, the disgusting things I've found in backpacks through the years! The one I remember most--for reasons that will become obvious--was a plum discovered in the fall from the prior school year.
As for cleaning bird cages, after years of being the work-from-home mom who "does it all" around the house, I finally realized I didn't have to keep that up. It was untenable for me on multiple levels, and I wasn't teaching my kids how to become adults who could care for their own homes. My husband was traveling full-time for work, they were tweens/teens, and I said something along the lines of "Hey, we all contribute to this household as a team and I need more help with the housework." They'd always had chores that included bird cage duty, too -- so they could learn to care for pets of their own. We didn't tie chores to allowance, but did allowance to teach money management before they could get jobs. Instead, I started setting chores as an expectation for a person on a "team" in a shared household, if that makes sense. I talk a lot about being a good roommate, hoping they will carry that forward with roommates or partners.
I will say that one of my kids with ASD ultimately could not care for the aquatic tanks and my husband took that over, so it doesn't always work out. Even there, lessons happen for us as parents and them as young adult kids--there are some regular tasks they can handle and others they cannot, and even that can change over time.
It can be tough with kids with sensory issues, but what my two younger kids have worked out is to divide up tasks according to what least overwhelms due to noise/smell/sight, which seems to work well. For our Congo African grey, one does food/water and scrubs poops with a long-handled brush while the other changes the papers. One loads the dishwasher while the other unloads, etc.
OK this got really long and I hope it makes sense!
Yes yes yes to all of this!!!
I totally get that and it makes sense! I’m definitely using some of your pointers and ideas here! And I totally love that it got long! I appreciate that so much! My oldest 2 have ASD and some chores just don’t work as well. I’ve tried to assign things according to “skill” level.
I’ve told them that I can’t do everything myself, but I like that you frame it in teamwork terms. I think that sounds like a good framework that may be more effective!
I also love the assigning chores by sensory issues!! That makes so much sense! All 4 of mine have sensory issues - all different of course.
Hahahaha the backpack finds!!! I get that so much!
Wow - seriously thank you for the long response!
Of course! It's hard to find other parents who deal with this stuff once kids are out of elementary school, at least in my experience.
Re: having them team up - I also encourage them to make sure the division of labor feels equitable.
One last thing - autonomy for people with ASD is HUGE and I think often overlooked in what I've read about it. Giving my kids choices and a sense of agency and knowledge that they have different options, can adjust the timing for things, etc. has been a big help. But that has to be balanced against executive functioning issues where overwhelm causes procrastination/negative self-talk. It's not always an exact system.
Omg I love “snack holes!” My youngest came out from school on Thursday explaining how a banana exploded in his coat pocket 🤣🙄
And I can’t believe I’ve never thought of “poop doody!!” (How do you get your kids to help clean cages?!?! LOL! I’m going to make them help me next time!)
I had a “mommy blog” that I thought I so cleverly titled “The Poopy Patrol,” but every time I try to search for it there are a lot of companies for dog poop named similar! (I quit writing there back in 2012 I think? And will remember a post and go searching.
Oh, the disgusting things I've found in backpacks through the years! The one I remember most--for reasons that will become obvious--was a plum discovered in the fall from the prior school year.
As for cleaning bird cages, after years of being the work-from-home mom who "does it all" around the house, I finally realized I didn't have to keep that up. It was untenable for me on multiple levels, and I wasn't teaching my kids how to become adults who could care for their own homes. My husband was traveling full-time for work, they were tweens/teens, and I said something along the lines of "Hey, we all contribute to this household as a team and I need more help with the housework." They'd always had chores that included bird cage duty, too -- so they could learn to care for pets of their own. We didn't tie chores to allowance, but did allowance to teach money management before they could get jobs. Instead, I started setting chores as an expectation for a person on a "team" in a shared household, if that makes sense. I talk a lot about being a good roommate, hoping they will carry that forward with roommates or partners.
I will say that one of my kids with ASD ultimately could not care for the aquatic tanks and my husband took that over, so it doesn't always work out. Even there, lessons happen for us as parents and them as young adult kids--there are some regular tasks they can handle and others they cannot, and even that can change over time.
It can be tough with kids with sensory issues, but what my two younger kids have worked out is to divide up tasks according to what least overwhelms due to noise/smell/sight, which seems to work well. For our Congo African grey, one does food/water and scrubs poops with a long-handled brush while the other changes the papers. One loads the dishwasher while the other unloads, etc.
OK this got really long and I hope it makes sense!