NTMP #3 - February 13, 2022
Get your own cheese pants.
This week’s phrases
Cheese cargo pants * Treacherous piss flap * Ctrl-Salt-Delete * Local feral child mafia * Tireless devotion to fried potatoes * The Department of Salad * Yak skiing * Clitoria * Gazpacho police * Sonic identities * Shanty sluts
A deep dive into the phrases, below
This week we have cheddar devotion, salad bureaucracy, anthropomorphic gritters, and sporty yaks.
1. Cheese cargo pants
These pants actually exist. They are not made of cheese, but rather meant for holding cheese. As a marketing writer, I definitely want to write for Tillamook after reading about this. (Call me, Tillamook! I’ll be there this summer!) H/T to my friend Lindsay, former real-life professional cheesemonger and forever cheese friend.
BTW, Tillamook came up with National Cheddar Day, which is today, so hug your favorite cheddar loaf and make some nachos.
2. Treacherous piss flap
This one comes from my friend RAR, who said she heard it while (sorry, whilst) watching Bohemian Rhapsody; Freddie Mercury says it to John Reid.
This makes me wonder: Who’s better at a crass + devastating insult - the English or the Scots? 🤔 Thoughts?
Speaking of the Scots, did you know that they name their snow plows? I mean, what else is there to do during the winter? There’s even a tracker so you can follow your fave plow around the map. (God, I love this so much.)
Speaking of Freddie Mercury, “Spready Mercury” is my fave plow name, along with "Ready Spready Go, Sir Salty Scott, and Licence to Chill - all of which are in my master list of new-to-me phrases, circa late 2020.
Minnesota also names its snow plows, holding an annual contest, and Betty Whiteout was voted this winter’s fave. 😭
But Ctrl-Salt-Delete made me cackle, so it made the newsletter. Honorable mention: Lord Coldemort. Got a favorite not listed here? Start a convo in the comments on this post.
4. Local feral child mafia
Recently, I started reading Shangrilogs, a newsletter that describes a life I might have once lived, but definitely will not given my current middle aged, broken, and lazy physical state. Writer Kelton Wright used this phrase to describe the local kids who run a lemonade stand in her new tiny and isolated mountain town in Colorado, where she and her partner are renovating a log cabin.
5. Tireless devotion to fried potatoes 🥔🍟
I adore Deb Perelman of Smitten Kitchen. Not only are her recipes terrific, but if you’re a “skip to the recipe” person, you should know that her pre-recipe food narratives are great fun to read. I’m definitely going to try this recipe for a family game night, served with various dipping sauces. Send fry-dippin’ recipes if you’ve got any!
6. The Department of Salad
Yessss! I love a salad! Especially in summer when the produce avalanche really gets rolling. Only 68 days until my local farmers market returns to our ridiculously cute town square. (There’s a winter market but it’s kind of depressing and not walking distance from our house.)
Anyway, this is the great name for a Substack by Emily Nunn devoted to—you guessed it—salad.
7. Yak skiing
My friend Abby shared this gem of a phrase while we were talking about weird winter Olympic sports. This article in the Independent refers to these yaks as “lavishly horned,” and I am here for it.
Those of you who know me may be aware of my ungulate obsession. For those of you who don’t: I have a bit of an ungulate obsession, especially bison and moose. And Highland cows. And yaks. One time I even attended an expo devoted to Yaks, aptly named Yakspo. The yaks in attendance seemed pretty sad and that was a bit of a bummer, and there was no yak skiing, but at least we have this attractive pic of me being an idiot:
What’s not to love about an adorably large and ungainly hooved animal? The bigger, shaggier, and more awkward, the better. (Just like me.) They didn’t have these sorts of animals in Illinois when I was growing up, but now there’s Midewin National Tallgrass Prairie with a LIVE BISON CAM.
I’ve started compiling the phrases in my 45-page Google doc into a Google sheet, because what else is there to do during the winter? While reading up on another phrase (“butterfly pea flower”), I happened to notice that its genus is "clitoria," and what?
According to the USDA, "The genus name “Clitoria” comes from the Greek word “kleitoris,” which refers to the shape of the flower resembling female genitalia, and “mariana” [the butterfly pea flower species name] possibly refers to a woman Linnaeus was courting when he named this plant." Linnaeus, you dog!
9. Gazpacho police
I’m not going to link to her, but this phrase oozed from the malevolent piehole of a certain somehow-elected member of the federal House of Representatives, anti-trans shitbag, and QAnon dope this week.
She meant to say “Gestapo police,” which is dumb on its own, as “Gestapo” refers to the Nazi “secret police.” But then to also double down on the dumb and call it Gazpacho police?
Has this woman ever even had gazpacho? Doubtful! Does she know what it is? Also highly unlikely.
This gaffe immediately spawned an assortment of soup-based puns on Twitter, but the best take I saw was a tweet that said: “Never read a book in her life.” I’d bet money on that. This is why we fight to fund public education that teaches world history and critical thinking skills, folks.
10. Sonic identities
This phrase, which refers to an audio version of a logo, came via my friend Rebecca, who found it in the Marketing Brew newsletter. File under, “I love learning new things AND I love my friends for sending me cool stuff.”
11. Shanty sluts
“Shanty sluts” is also the current name of my hag friend group chat. (For the record, this references us, not sex workers.)
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Until next Sunday . . .
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