NTMP #17: Haunted Castle of Spite
It's breezy sack season, babies!
New-to-me Phrases, May 22, 2022
Porcupettes * Buttplug.io * No mow May * Froffles * Spite buildings * Synthetic pee * A visual representation of Pennsylvania * #poopdate * Hypnotoad * The peck deck * #ToastSnugs * Literature Clock * Collection of breezy sacks
The Phrases, With Context
This week we have petty architecture, bee-friendly HOA-enraging lawns, fake pee, and a ridiculously cute carb-loving doggo. Let’s get to it!
My friend Wendy shared this one with me - it’s the name for a baby porcupine!
I’ve never claimed this is a family-friendly project, but, uh, don’t visit that very hilarious URL unless you want to. h/t to my friend Mel, who shared this article about video game sex tech that makes me glad my kids don’t read this newsletter.
Bonus phrase: teledildonics. Do with that what you will. Literally.
3. No mow May
I read about this in a comment on Design Mom Gabrielle Blair’s Instagram. Blair wrote a now-famous thread about why if men are so concerned about abortions, then they need to step up and do their part to prevent them.
Anyway, the commenter said this idea originated in the UK, where you wait until June to mow your lawn to allow bees to feed off the flowering weeds. UK org Plantlife started the movement and it’s catching on in the U.S., much to the chagrin of HOAs.
But honestly, HOAs suck. I don’t need a Karen-Gary contingent telling me how to live my life and that I can’t plant geraniums in a toilet out front1.
According to last week’s NYT Crossword, this was the original name for Eggo waffles.
Eggo is catchy and memorable, but Froffles is a GREAT portmanteau and brand, too.
5. Spite buildings
Frankly, I am here for this level of pettiness.
From the article: “‘Spite buildings’ are constructions specifically intended to irritate or protest: our smallest human pettiness made manifest in bricks, mortar and a reckless disregard for planning laws.”
In related news, a ‘Haunted Castle of Spite’ is on the market.
I know many of you skip clicking links, but these are two entertaining reads, FYI.
6. Synthetic pee
The Outside magazine daily digest “What You Missed” newsletter used this phrase, though the article it references does not, opting instead for “a nitrogen fertilizer synthesized to mimic animal pee.”
Props to the Outside team, I guess.
::requisite Bear Grylls joke::
7. A visual representation of Pennsylvania
I’m not sure this is a compliment?
A voter described Democratic Senate candidate and Lieutenant Governor John Fetterman thusly, as quoted in the NYT newsletter The Morning.
Not sure I want to know what the visual representation of Illinois looks like.
Oh, wait: I totally do.
This one was from yours truly and it’s not at all a sex thing, unless you want it to be, in which case, leave me out of it.
My oldest son is on vacation after graduating from college, and while I couldn’t be prouder of him for this achievement, he still doesn’t read this newsletter. We are in charge of his feisty little sun conure, Athena. We keep sending him photos and videos of her being cute (sound on for that link) to the family group text, which is heavily bird- and Chipotle-order-themed.
At one point I texted him to let him know that Theenie leaned away from me to poop on the floor instead of me, dubbing it an important #poopdate. His reply? “She’s so smart.” What a good bird dad.
From the “Nature is Weird” files, via the National Park Service Instagram. Click the link for fun facts about the Sonoran desert toad. If I was driving around in the dark and saw this I honestly don’t know what I’d do. Learn to drive in reverse really, really fast?
Bonus phrase: “a weak, low-pitched toot.”
10. The Peck Deck
Again, not a sex thing, what is wrong with you?
My friend Matt got really, really into birding during the pandemic (which isn’t over, by the way, just an FYI on behalf of science). He’s turned out to be an amazing photographer, as you can see on his Instagram, The Bird Herder. Obviously, I’m fully into his avian subject matter.
He linked to this IG account called The Peck Deck, and if you’re into birds, it’s also a great follow.
This one comes via my friend Wendy (the same one who brought us porcupettes; I should buy her a coffee) and is shared with permission.
Wendy’s coworker sent her these pics of her dog, who for the past week has gingerly carried around a piece of toast and snuggled with it. Apparently he’s done this before with a potato.
I LOVE HIM. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.
The second-best part of this story? His name is Bruiser.
12. Literature Clock
Things like this make me love the Internet so truly, madly, and deeply.
When you visit Literature Clock, it serves up a literary quote that mentions the time at which you’re visiting the site. I love it. I love it so much.
Another cool tool (lol) I found recently: One Look Thesaurus, a slightly different — and awesome — take on a thesaurus. You’re welcome, writers.
13. Collection of breezy sacks
So many phrases came from Instagram this week. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anyway, this is a great opportunity to promote this illustrator who creates amusing fake seltzer brands @seltzerflavors. Here’s her Ko-fi link if you want to support her art.
This week she made a muumuu-themed seltzer celebrating muumuu season, describing her “collection of breezy sacks.” I’m into it.
Honestly, I’m with the Karen/Gary faction on that one.