NTMP 102: Chumsquat Records

Life, uh . . . finds a way

Unexpected red theory * Snowkiting * Posse Comitatus * Stingray Jesus * Sneaker Waves * Eat a Scrote, My Goat * Katabatic winds

Photo by David Clode on Unsplash pretty cute for a species that murdered Steve Irwin

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Hello there! This week we have red-hot TikTakes, extreme winter birds, old punks, weird weather, and more.

Heads-up: No NTMP next week. I will be on the left coast eating tacos and talking about art (in that order) with one of my besties. I will try to remember to update the airport Chex Mix price tracker from O’Hare and LAX.

1. Unexpected red theory

Someone on TikTok recently coined this phrase to describe adding a pop of red to a space to enliven it, even calling for red to be considered a neutral color. In that link, the person says she’d never thought to pair red and purple together, which is pretty wild for a designer to admit. But, as this newsletter demonstrates every week, it’s okay to not know things! The whole point of existence is to be curious and learn and grow. I also think that trend pieces like this are fun and spark ideas and conversations, and it’s nice to think about something other than climate change and Christofascism.

Experienced interior designers frequently use this “pop of red” technique, which is rooted in color theory. Depending on the other colors in a space, you can probably add a bit of pretty much any vibrant color to a more neutral space to create an “unexpected” effect.

2. Snowkiting

Here’s a sport I’d never heard of because I try to avoid intentionally gliding around outdoors in winter. But I learned about it in a very fun way—an Instagram post click link for full effect). Here’s the caption, since Substack cuts them off:

“On my way to steal your girl.”

Snowkiting is what it sounds like—a sport where you’re pulled across snow or ice by a kite. Here’s a YouTube explainer from Great Big Story so you can see it in action. There’s even a snowkite festival in Alaska each year that I would be happy to watch from my cozy home.

3. Posse Comitatus

I recently read this 2021 piece from High Country News about a fight over whether to create a public trail in rural Oregon that mentions posse comitatus.

Here’s an excerpt that explains the rise of this movement, but I recommend reading the entire article:

The idea [of Second Amendment sanctuary laws] echoes the 1970s Posse Comitatus movement. Latin for “power of the county,” Posse Comitatus argued that county sheriffs are the highest law enforcement authority¹. The idea came from a white supremacist from California who urged citizens to form “posses” and hoard firearms in order to combat globalistic forces, particularly the United Nations. . . .

Posse Comitatus evolved into today’s Patriot movement, the far-right subset on full display at the Jan. 6 storming of the Capitol. The movement cares deeply about county-level government, seeking seats on commissions in order to oversee land use, private property rights and gun regulations.

A friend told me that the most recent season of Fargo is about a sheriff like this. After the brilliant first season, I got tired of the penile anti-hero shoot-em-up vibe of that show. Close-up shots of machine gun bullets ejaculating in slo-mo? In this economy? No thank you. Perhaps this more recent season has less of that?

This nonsense isn’t isolated; it’s happening in my county in Illinois; I just didn’t know there was a name for it. Last year, my county sheriff and others around the state released statements saying they refused to enforce a statewide automatic weapons ban.

I feel like in most other lines of work, you’d be fired for this sort of shit. I know we can unelect these numpties, but that takes time. Some residents here also wanted to declare our county a “Second Amendment sanctuary,” which—file under “Give Me a Fucking Break”—is really rich when they could—and should—be calling for a “sanctuary” wherein our kids won’t be shot in school, or at a parade, or literally anywhere people gather in the U.S.

4. Stingray Jesus

By now you’ve probably read news of a stingray at an aquarium who became pregnant without mating with another stingray. Or maybe not! Either way, her name is Charlotte, and she is a round stingray (that’s both a species and a descriptor) who lives in a North Carolina aquarium without any other stingrays to get with.

While some are theorizing that a shark impregnated her, a liger-like hybrid (shray? stark? stingshark? sharkay?) doesn’t seem biologically possible. It’s more likely that asexual reproduction, or parthenogenesis, is the source. If you’ve read or seen Jurassic Park (or are extra-cool like me and have done both multiple times), then this isn’t news to you.

As of this writing, Charlotte’s babies have not yet arrived but people are already calling them Stingray Jesus. Here’s a funny Tik Tok Take (or Tik Take) via my Hag pal Kathleen.

5. Sneaker Waves

I kind of want to go back to school to be both a linguist and a meteorologist. Because 1) I am extremely cool and 2) weather phrases are so great! This is one of them, found via my weather app, which showed a “Beach Hazards Statement” for the Oregon coast, warning that sneaker waves were possible.

Sneaker waves are named for their tendency to quickly and “sneakily” move up the beach, knocking people off their feet and pulling them into the ocean. We love a stealth power move.

Has a sneaker wave ever removed someone’s sneakers? If so, I want to know about it. 👟🌊

6. Eat a Scrote, My Goat

This phrase comes from an entertaining and painfully true tweet, especially if you’re a punk² of a certain age. ::cough-cough::

Here’s a screenshot to save you from having to visit Xwitter:

I’m not gonna lie, it was hard choosing which phrase made me laugh the hardest. Also, I wonder who that person in the photo actually is, and if he knows he’s playing an old punk on social media. And do they still call them “tweets,” or does the tapeworm running the show over there prefer something else?

7. Katabatic winds

Speaking of cool weather phrases, (weren’t we just?), I saw this one while making my way through the memoir The Last Fire Season by Manjula Martin. I’m not done yet but my micro-review is that if you enjoy reading about a person’s deep love for a specific place, you’ll like this book. There’s a lot of climate grief here, mourning a place that is drastically changing even as it has always been prone to big mad weather and geologic forces.

From USGS:

Sounding almost like acrobatic winds, katabatic winds do bear a resemblance to tumbling, since they are essentially winds that flow downhill. Also known as fall winds, katabatic winds are usually caused by gravity pulling higher density air downslope to lower density air.

Maybe I couldn’t be a meteorologist because I cannot conceive of how they figured this out. And I suck at math and science. Guess I’ll stick to what I know best, which is . . . writing about random phrases.

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Bonus Bits

1. A nonprofit recommendation: Point of Pride.

Point of Pride supports trans people who need healthcare and other assistance. From March 29-31st, the Trans Handy Ma’am, Mercury Stardust (she/they) will do an annual TikTok-a-Thon to raise funds for Point of Pride. The 501(c)3 org just released an impact report so you can see the good things last year’s TikTok-a-Thon did for the trans community. Follow, donate, advocate!

2. If you don’t laugh along with this, I don’t know what to tell you.

@sarahjae_xoIn TEARSSSSS 😂😂😂 #appletv #dinosaur #dinosaurdocumentary #omg #commentary #reaction #lol #funny #hilarious #tiktok #trending #viral #viralvideo #fyp #foryoupage

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I have literally cried while laughing at this TikTok of a woman watching a simulated dinosaur courtship. I can’t get enough. I would watch anything with her, honestly. CSPAN, football, Bob Ross, you name it.

3. What is up with this minivan in my town?

I . . . don’t hate it?

That’s it for this week! See you in two weeks with a new collection of phrases. Remember to keep making it weird, and stay furiously curious.

1. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

2. Who am I kidding? I was never a punk. But I wanted to be. I’m making up for it now.