NTMP 137: One incredible dump

Your ride is here

New-To-Me Phrases, April 20, 2025

Brogres * One incredible squash * The world’s most embarrassing totalitarian state * SLUT BUS * The Dump * Big light torture * Unchecked drug-resistant gonorrhea

Photo by Tanguy Sauvin on Unsplash

---

The Phrases, With Context

This week, we have a green bro fandom, the perfect license plate, and an explanation for why I hate that one lamp in my living room.

But first: Poll rematch results!

The March poll for favorite phrase of the month ended in a tie between devour feculence and Vance pants, so we had a rematch.

Here are the results:

Grateful that “eat poop” won out over anything related to JD Vance.

Thanks for voting and congrats to the Severance writers’ room.

OK, it’s time for phrases. Let’s get to it!

1. Brogres

I found this in the NYT Crossword, of all places. The clue was “Film character with obsessive fans called “brogres.” I knew right away this was a Shrek fandom thing and I’m not googling that. There’s a subreddit and a Tumblr tag and that’s really all I wish to know.

2. One incredible squash

The subject line of an email from Burpee Gardens about the “Rise and Shine” summer squash. Who says marketing writers don’t get to have any fun?

It gets better. This is the image in the email, presented without comment. 👀🍆

3. The world’s most embarrassing totalitarian state

This phrase came from a brilliant essay by Kate Wagner at The Late Review. Yes, she’s describing the U.S.

I encourage you to read the full piece. Wagner, who also writes McMansion Hell, examines the current state of things and its connection to our disconnection due to our phones.

Everyone hates me when I say this because we are all little addicts who want to defend our addictions and the livelihoods that are now unfortunately entangled up with them, but: we have yet to reckon both totally and personally with the fact that the smarphone is an anti-social instrument of control, surveillance, and self-annihilation.

Wagner mentions the harm technology does to political organizing in particular:

The most pro-social idea on earth is that only through collective power can we, the individual, make for ourselves a better life, and let me tell you, the tech billionaires do not want you to know that.

4. SLUT BUS

Gotta go; my ride is here.

vanity_of_maine

A post shared by @vanity_of_maine

5. The Dump

While driving one of my kids to an appointment, I saw a building with a huge yellow sign that read The Dump. WTF. Turns out it’s a furniture outlet. They even have a page called Our Name with an explainer video. So their marketing team is earning their money.

Here’s further evidence via this popup from their website:

Save a SHIT TON? Shut up and take my money, The Dump.

I’ve written a lot of call-to-action copy for websites but not once have I had the chance to write GET DUMPED on a button. I feel like this is a new career high water mark to aim for.

6. Big light torture

Tressie McMillan Cottom, who has ADHD, shared a post on Instagram saying the comments were gold and she was not wrong!

rebelwithoutadrink

A post shared by @rebelwithoutadrink

Rebelwithoutadrink asked her IG followers to share their most unhinged executive function hack for ADHD and one commenter wrote:

My teen just told me she does ‘big light torture’ where she puts on the main light in her room and can’t switch it off until she finishes what she needs to do!

I feel so vindicated for hating glaring overhead light! I don’t think I could do big light torture to get something done because it’s too hard for me to focus under those conditions. I still might try it.

Other commenters mentioned using cash to pay themselves to do chores, taking on an alter ego named Carol who doesn’t have ADHD and gets things done, and creating a long, numbered to-do list and having Alexa randomly pick a number.

7. Unchecked drug-resistant gonorrhea

Everything in the U.S. is terrible (except at The Dump). Jamelle Bouie recently shared a post by Rachel Maddow detailing how DOGE fired the CDC employees responsible for tracking cases of drug-resistant gonorrhea. Oopsie!

Bouie wrote: “Thank you Elon and DOGE! what the world definitely needs is unchecked drug resistant gonorrhea.”

This gem was in his replies:

Everything is terrible but we still have internet humor, which is not nothing.

---

Asshole Bird of the Month, April 2025

The Wrigley Goose

A goose decided to make a nest in a planter near the bleachers at Chicago’s Wrigley field, home of the Cubs. Primo asshole bird behavior and I’m here for it.

The team blocked off some seats and even had “a crew of ‘geesekeepers’ to keep guard and protect the bird,” according to Block Club Chicago. While the Cubs org consulted wildlife experts about relocation, the goose flew away in the night.

And now they have their own bobblehead! I . . . think I might need this. This is one instance where we love to see asshole behavior rewarded.

Bonus Bits

1. Your New Favorite YouTube Channel

Hidden Elevator Adventures is a new account created by a teen who is super into elevators. This is a brand new account and they would love for you to subscribe, like, and comment. Thanks to NTMP subscriber D. for this one!

2. Ivan the Terra Bus is retiring! 

Longtime readers of NTMP may remember Ivan the Terra Bus, a burly, oversized transport vehicle based in Antarctica. Well, pour one out for this beefy homie; Ivan is retiring this year after more than 30 years of service.

4. Moose migration cam!

MOOSE MIGRATION CAM!

That’s it for this edition! Remember to keep making it weird, and stay furiously curious.