NTMP 136: Tank Top Detective
Watch where you put those freedom seeds
New-To-Me Phrases, April 6, 2025
Peenting * Freedom seeds * Burrito loan * Sweater detective * Apartheid Clyde * Jimdiana Jones
The Phrases, With Context
Wow, what a week, right? We’re back to living every week as a decade under this petty and cruel and extremely stupid administration. But we ended the week with a big win for democracy in Wisconsin and proof of the power of the people in Hands Off protests around the nation. I love a good protest sign. Some of my faves : “I’ve seen smarter cabinets at IKEA” and “But it was called the Gulf of Mexico at birth.”
As far as phrases, this week we have adorbs orbs, Kirkland Indiana Jones, woolly protags, and more.
But first: March poll results! Here’s a screenshot:
We have a tie between Devour feculence and Vance pants, with an impressive showing by Ham Spray. This means we get to have a runoff vote. Look, it’s fun to tap or click stuff online, so get in there and vote for your fave:
And now for this edition’s phrases. Let’s get to it!
1. Peenting
I first learned this amazing, silly word from Bob Dolgan’s
newsletter. Peenting is the sound an amazing, silly bird—the American woodcock—makes. You can click through to listen to the sound on video:
You can learn more about these little round harbingers of spring at All About Birds.
Bonus: If it would do your heart good to see humans gathering to experience the joys of birding, this Insta post from Wiscobirder Dexter Patterson will do the trick:
Dexter’s account is one of my faves.
Would it surprise you to know that I have a very similar hat as the child in that preview image? It shouldn’t!
2. Freedom seeds
Man, I don’t even want to write about this one. It’s such a stupid, desperate, bald power grab marketing move. But I feel like I need to get it on the record here, so here goes.
The White House social media accounts (which I’m not linking to) shared a video of Vice President and perennially sour grievance dope JD Vance firing some stupid weapon, with the caption: “JD Vance planting some freedom seeds today.”
One of the upsides of this nonsense was seeing Redditors mocking this. “A Boomer must run their social accounts; this is so cringe” and “Is this after he pumped some freedom seeds into some couch cushions?”
3. Burrito loan
This phrase is as much a sign of our times as freedom seeds. It’s giving “we’re in a class war, not a culture war.” Recently, DoorDash partnered with Klarna, a “buy now, pay later” service, one of those news items you really have to really sit with for a few to fully absorb the dystopian nature of it all.
People immediately took to social to joke about paying for dinner in installments and the phrase burrito loan was born. So at least there’s that.
4. Sweater detective
I was served an ad about this Slate piece titled The Complete Guide to Sweater Detectives about cold-climate European crime shows. I’ve watched some of these shows and I’ve decided that what makes them comfort watches despite being about murder is that they are strongly rooted in a faraway place, often a small town inhabited by quirky characters who aren’t slavering American gun fetishists. This article goes into more of the nuances of this genre in interesting ways and it’s worth a read if you’re sweater-detective curious.
I was surprised to see the excellent Happy Valley included here; I don’t think it quite fits.
5. Apartheid Clyde
Author Roxane Gay bringing the sauce after Elon Musk’s huge L from trying to buy an election in Wisconsin:
6. Jimdiana Jones
Hat tip to my friend Richard for this one. I saw the trailer for an AppleTV movie The Fountain of Youth directed by Guy Ritchie and starring Natalie Portman and John Krasinski, who played Jim on The Office—important context for this phrase. The movie doesn’t look great, but I might watch it if nothing else was on. I’m just weary of white guy screenwriters of a certain age using what looks from the trailer like a Muslim baddies trope when the actual bad guys are right here in Silicon Valley!
The best part of all of this is that a top YouTube comment on the trailer was “They could have called it Jimdiana Jones.” Beautiful. No notes.
That’s it for this week! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious!
Where might one find one of those hats?
(asking for my inner child, who would have KILLED for it)
I think it was Azealia Banks who invented the term "Apartheid Clyde". What would we do without Black Twitter/Bsky? Not that I wouldn't rather give the credit to Roxane Gay who is a thoughtful woman instead of a rapper who trolled herself out of a career.
(don't blame me, I voted for Ham Pants)