NTMP 128: Tuber Syndicate
Cross me and I will definitely kink your hose
New-To-Me Phrases, December 15, 2024
Schug * Hose tool use behaviors * SEO poisoning * TPOT * Broligarchy * Potato Cartel * Cheddies
The Phrases, With Context
Man, it’s good to be back after a longer pause than I’d anticipated to recover from another knee surgery. The good news is that I have many phrases saved up for your reading enjoyment in the coming weeks.
In this edition, we have tater tomfoolery, spicy greens, petty elephants, and more. Let’s get to it!
1. Schug
Schug was a recent Phoodle word of the day and I’d never heard of it. Pronounced “skoog,” it’s also known as zhug, skug, or zhoug), it’s a spicy-hot herb condiment that originated in Yemen and is often used in Yemeni and Israeli cuisine.
Here’s a recipe; I love that rich green color!
2. Hose tool use behaviors
Amid the many animal news stories and memes of 2024, two female elephants beefing over a shower hose at the Berlin Zoo was a favorite.
The phrase hose tool use behaviors is as funny as this story is fascinating and delightful. It comes from a Defector post (gift link) about elephants Mary and Anchali and their battle over a hose that Mary—the elder of the two—was using to bathe herself. Until Anchali figured out how to kink the hose. While Mary was using it. 👀
3. SEO poisoning
I found this in a Forbes article that has a bit of an urban legend vibe: “New Web Search Warning—Do Not Google These Words.” The experts interviewed in this piece—which contains several great words that I barely understand like GootLoader and Gootkit—warn against searching for certain specific phrases, as they can lead to links that automatically download malware to a user’s computer.
Bad actors engage in SEO poisoning by using highly specific phrases that are so niche they are very likely to rank high on Google. In this recent alert the search string to avoid is related to cats—you can read about the specifics at the link because I don’t wanna be the one tainting your computer. I guess the takeaway is that if you’re hyper-interested in a niche topic, be careful out there.
4. TPOT
Disappointingly, this does not stand for “That Penis Over There1,” but rather This Part of Twitter. Pronounced “teapot,” it describes “a loosely defined internet subculture whose members most regularly define themselves as “ambitious nerds” obsessed with self-improvement and personal agency.”
While it’s all still speculation at this point, the San Francisco Standard reports that Luigi Mangione, the internet folk hero who inspired many class war memes, may have been a TPOT adherent. TPOTers frequently use the term “agentic” to reflect their emphasis on personal agency (“You can just do things!”), with all of the typical ableism and refusal to acknowledge systemic inequities that this sort of mindset implies.
IDK if you read the links I share here, so I’ve done you a favor by sharing this gem of a paragraph (emphasis very much mine):
While the community started as just a bunch of people talking online, it has spawned in-person meetups, a summer camp, and even a dating directory. Rosenberg [a journalist who investigated TPOTers] got her crash course in the subculture while living in a commune of TPOTers in Brooklyn, from which members launched an “alternative university” where they taught clowning, civics, and freestyle rap.
You’re welcome.
5. Broligarchy
My pal Trevor shared this Guardian opinion piece with our friend group:
How to survive the broligarchy: 20 lessons for the post-truth world.
Wow, what a portmanteau. Here, investigative journalist Carole Cadalladr shares 20 things people and institutions can do to push back against the incoming Trump/Musk authoritarian tech bro regime.
6. Potato Cartel
How can you not immediately want to read anything and everything about a potato cartel? Are the Yukon golds in a turf war with the fingerlings? Is this VeggieTales for atheists? Did the German Butterballs cut the Peruvian Purples out of the, uh, beige market?
Sadly, no. This is related to yet another corporate malfeasance story. It’s almost as if when you let capitalism operate unchecked and allow monopolies to proliferate, corporations will try to get away with shitty behaviors. Like allegedly conspiring to jack up the prices of frozen potatoes during a time when grocery prices are still artificially inflated after said corporations took advantage of a global pandemic and then just . . . never lowered their prices after the worst had passed.
7. Cheddies
Cheddies is a brand name for cheesy crackers. The word feels very internet-y, a la menty b (shorthand for “mental breakdown”) or stressy depressy. While the brand voice has a sort of forced fun vibe, at least we have a great name.
Bonus Bits
1. Totally on brand.
Merriam-Webster chose its word of the year for 2024 and it’s extremely apt for this season of America.
2. Still hiring humans?
This ad, spotted in a Morning Brew newsletter, wins the NTMP Gigantic, Honkingly-Humongous-Beyond-Comprehension “Fuck You” award for 2024, along with making the top 10 list of terrible company names:
3. “I have these guys”
4. Three cheers for the working person’s smile
Is anyone having more fun than the marketing team at Duluth Trading Company? I don’t think so.
Consider their 404 page:
That’s it for this edition! I’ll be back in your inbox in two weeks with the final NTMP of the year. Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious!
