NTMP 104: Bay Window

What if I threw a PowerPoint party and nobody came?

New-To-Me Phrases, March 17, 2024

Lockmaster * Commander Piggins * Hen Stefani * A valuable member of the butt disease community * Drink Talk Learn * Fupacabra

Photo by Syed Ahmad on Unsplash

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The Phrases, With Context

This week we have obscure professions, fictional birds, nicknames for cute bellies, and more.

Let’s get to it!

1. Lockmaster

This is not part of your BDSM screen name but rather an actual job title if you work with rivers or canals. I found it in this fascinating article that I’ve linked to here before about how climate change is messing with the carefully (if ill-advised) engineered reverse flow of the Chicago River.

Here’s a great explainer from Atlas Obscura about what lockmasters do in managing waterways. Citing The Canal Society of Ohio, it notes that there are only a few hundred lockmasters working in the U.S., most of them in upstate New York.

2. Commander Piggins

If you’ve been reading NTMP for a while or have met me for even five minutes, you know I love birds. In fact, my friend Erin and her family came over last week to teach us how to play the game Wingspan, a gorgeously designed game that has quite a learning curve that’s well worth the time. You think you know birds, but man, there are species in there I’d neither seen nor heard of.

All this to say that even though my house literally has parrots singing, whistling, shouting, and talking in the background all day long, I’ve been listening to birdsong recordings on Spotify while I work. This is calming and effective unless a distracting hooter gets started and sets my ADHD brain wandering to pay attention to it instead of my work.

Commander Piggins Call is the name of a recording on Spotify and other streaming services by a company called Naturalis, and I cannot for the life of me figure out what it means. I assumed it was a funny typo for “pigeon” but there is no such bird as a “commander pigeon.” What a bizarre name for a recording of birdsong. Is it an AI or other typo that made it into the workflow and was never removed? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

3. Hen Stefani

More pet nicknames! This time it’s chickens!

The comments prove that not all comment sections are hot garbage:

“You need Hennifer Lopez.”

“We have pigs that are named Patsy Swine, Kevin Bacon and Hammy Davis Jr.”

“Ellen Deheneres…hehe”

“Where is Cluck Berry”

4. A valuable member of the butt disease community

Sam Irby, I love you so much. (A bonus phrase is in the title.)

5. Drink Talk Learn

I first heard of PowerPoint parties during lockdown, and I am not exaggerating when I say I would LOVE to attend one. What’s a PowerPoint party? A virtual or in-person gathering where participants do a 3-minute presentation on a topic of their choosing.

You can do themed parties, change the time limit, make it a drinking game or not, or wear costumes reflecting your presentation. Participants can vote on best presentation and give out awards for other details—funniest, most obscure, best costume, etc.

Whenever I’ve mentioned doing one of these parties to friends or family, I am met with reactions ranging from abject horror to genuine confusion as to why anyone would ever want to do such a thing. A chance to share random knowledge—my favorite kind!—with others in a visual presentation? Despite my complete lack of design skills?

I want it. 🤓

Here’s an article from Real Simple with peak magazine-era tips like, “To plan and host your very own PowerPoint party, first gather a select group of people who you think will enjoy the party.” Gee, thanks for that tip. Real Simple, indeed¹. But also: WHERE?

A 2018 article from BuzzFeed News kicked off the trend, calling this type of party “Drink Talk Learn (DTL).” I don’t do drinking games, but points for college students at least wanting to learn.

6. Fupacabra

Friend and faithful fan of the phrase Rebecca sent this IG post about a cat’s belly captioned “Alternative names for the primordial pouch” and I am not exaggerating when I say, as a person with a beloved primordial pouch of her own, that I watched it while waiting in the car for one of my kids and I cried with laughter. A+ nicknaming happening here. Because I am the most disgusting person I know, I love that they’re not afraid to lean into fupa or meat curtain jokes. If you don’t know what either of these things mean, ask your Gross Aunt Toni rather than venturing into Urban Dictionary; I don’t want you to be traumatized.

Here are some of my faves, in addition to Fupacabra:

• The Meats

• Overstock

• The Thunder from Down Under

• Under buns

• Bay Window

• Bonus Wing

Bonus Bits

1. I’m Kyle MacLachlan

Why has nobody told me before now that Kyle MacLachlan is on social being charming and hilarious?

2. Internet jokester tries on tiny shorts so we don’t have to

Original IG post by Nicole Story Dent and outtakes. If pleather diaper panties become pants, I’m staying home.

3. The Art of the Long-Term Bit

Brendan Leonard at Semi-Rad posted about jokes that people keep going for years, and both his own running joke with his wife and the comments he shared are a source of joy. I had my kids believing that their father’s middle name was Fluffy for months.

4. Why is this true?!?

That’s it for this week! Remember to stay furiously curious and keep making it weird.

1. As someone who’s written a ton of these sorts of service pieces, I feel that writer’s pain.