NTMP 62: Hot Dog Boomerang

Warm up those 3D printers!

Numbbumps * Bonerang * The law of finds * Too Fat Too Furious * Talent dysmorphia * Whiskey fungus * Horny skeleton show * Stoptional

Photo by BAILEY MAHON on Unsplash

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The Phrases, With Context

This week we have “kids say the darndest things,” a malevolent whiskey pairing, some bone(r)-themed phrases, and more. Don’t ask me; I just work here.

Let’s get to it!

1. Numbbumps

I don’t think my therapist reads this newsletter (likely not, to maintain healthy professional boundaries), but she’s aware of it and shared this phrase with me recently. #besttherapistever

Numbbumps is her daughter’s word for goosebumps. #awwww

Get you a therapist willing to engage in your linguistic shenanigans.

2. Bonerang

In other “kids say the darndest things” news, bonerang was coined by the offspring of my friend Ashley. Here’s what she wrote:

"The boys were running around tonight saying “bonerang.” When I asked them what they were saying they pronounced it as spelled. Then proceeded to tell me that it was like a boomerang but only made of bone. So logically it must be “bonerang." - If only they knew . . .

I’m betting if someone made a boomerang shaped like a boner it would sell like hot . . . dogs.

OK, so I had to google ‘penis shaped boomerang,’ but Google only wanted to share links referencing penises shaped like boomerangs (aka “Cheeto dicks”). So there’s a—ahem, er, uh—hole in the market there for industrious inventor types with 3D printers.

My Google search turned up this British Medical Journal article from 1999 (there’s a .PDF link to read/download) describing how MRI imaging of sex in the missionary position revealed that the penis takes on a boomerang shape when the train enters the tunnel. Please tell me this was an open MRI.

3. The law of finds

Maritime law (aka admiralty law) governs navigable waterways and has its own quirks, probably due to its origins in the super-fun and carefree days of European colonization. In fact, there’s a separate bar exam for admiralty law, one of only two distinct legal specialties requiring additional certification (the other is patent law).

The law of finds is a fancy legal way of saying “finders keepers” as it relates to those totally normal, everyday situations in which you find yourself discovering a shipwreck loaded with untold riches. The law of finds can apply when you find a shipwreck and can prove that nobody has actively searched for or claimed ownership of it over a period of time. Keep this practical tip in mind for the next time you stumble upon treasure buried at sea.

4. Too Fat Too Furious

This is a hilarious fake alternate title that Michael Hobbes made up for Aubrey Gordon’s latest book, “You Just Need to Lose Weight: And 19 other myths about fat people.”

Some of the myths include:

• Losing weight is easy—calories in, calories out

• Fat people are unhealthy

• We’re in the midst of an obesity epidemic

• Fat acceptance “glorifies obesity”

• The BMI is an objective measure of size and health

The more you know . . .

BTW, if you think the word “fat” is an insult rather than a neutral descriptor (let alone if you wield it as an insult), then you’ve got some learning to do about anti-fat bias and maybe you should check out Maintenance Phase (it’s very funny and insightful and there are transcripts if you don’t care to listen) or buy Gordon’s book.

5. Talent dysmorphia

Like Parks and Rec, Ted Lasso is a great source of phrases. This antonym for imposter syndrome comes from S3 E5, where Keeley’s boss Jack says, “The worst people often think they're the best.” Indeed.

6. Whiskey fungus

When whiskey is aged in wooden barrels, some of it evaporates into the atmosphere. This is known as the “angels’ share,” a reference to an old Irish and Scottish tradition of making an offering to the angels to ensure the batch of whiskey ages well. It turns out that it’s not just the angels who love evaporated whiskey, however. A black fungus known as Baudoinia compniacensis is really into it.

According to a report in The Guardian, people who live near distilleries in the U.S. and U.K. have filed lawsuits claiming that this “black mould smothers walls, outdoor furniture, cars, trees and road signs.” That seems fun! One couple in the article stated that they have to power-wash the exterior of their with bleach four times per year. What one Tennessee resident calls “the devil’s fungus” has become enough of a nuisance there that a court recently halted construction of a new Jack Daniel’s warehouse. 👀

Bottom line: If you love whiskey, maybe don’t move near your favorite distillery.

7. Horny skeleton show

This is how my friend Kelly described the TV show Bones, prompting me to pause our meeting to giggle and add it to the NTMP list.

8. Stoptional

This is a great word to describe the behavior of either not noticing or not obeying a stop sign. Via Morning Brew, referencing the tendency of Tesla’s self-driving cars to treat stop signs as stoptional. My hat’s off to that copywriter.

Random note

This week I learned that Alan Thicke co-wrote and sang the theme song for the ‘70s TV show Diff’rent Strokes. 🤯

Now it’s running through your head, too. You’re welcome.

That’s it for this week! Remember to stay curious and remain furious! Keep an eye on your library boards; Republicans are trying to defund and close libraries around the country—a totally healthy, non-fascist, and intellectually curious thing to do! Give your local library and librarians some love, this week and every week.

You can also get some cool library patches and pins like these from the Library Comic Store to show your support for libraries everywhere. I’m partial to the “FUCK CENSORSHIP” one myself. There’s also a card catalog Lego set, library tarot cards, and an amazing queer book cart patch. #shutupandtakemymoney