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NTMP #41: Applebee's Crocs
Coming to you live from Listenbourg
New-to-me Phrases, November 13, 2022
The Phrases, With Context
You’re probably aware that with interest rates as high as they are, now is a terrible time to buy a car.
Guess who bought a new car this week? 🤦🏼♀️
We are “run cars until they die” people and, well, one of our cars finally bit it. It’s exciting and fun but, you know, car payment.
Did you know there’s a “Jeep wave,” where fellow Jeep owners wave to each other when driving? Is there a “Subaru wave,” or it just a knowing look of smug satisfaction when liberals sniff our own farts? I intend to find out.
1. The Hole Story
Title of your sex tape, or a charming PBS documentary about woodpeckers?
In recent years, I’ve used Twitter less and less. I sometimes forget that some of my closest friends today are people I met through that hellsite. They even comprise a substantial number of NTMP’s readership.
Seeing pretend genius Elon Musk waving his tenuous glass dick around is really something to witness. A grand act of unfettered chaos.
A bright side is that this is Comedy Twitter’s time to shine, as users are creating fake accounts that are costing a soulless pharma company billions and driving Mr. “Comedy is now legal on Twitter” himself to block accounts that parody him. (Because jokes are only funny when he and other “self-made” tech bro heirs punch down with a laugh at the expense of marginalized groups.)
I got distracted there for a minute; back to Listenbourg. Late last month, a French Twitter user posted a map of Europe, taunting Americans by saying we wouldn’t be able to identify a country shown on it.
I’ll admit, I was one of the uncultured rubes who was all, “That’s Spain; duh!”
These are the sorts of things Twitter was made for. Sure, it’s an important breaking news source and a place to find like-minded nerd hives about just about anything. And of course we’re all tired of algorithms deciding what content we get to see. But to me, the jokes are the very best part of Twitter, and it will be a damn shame if (when?) Musk manages to destroy it instead of getting therapy.
3. A boil on the ass of capitalism
I remember saying this to one of my kids for a laugh, but I cannot for the life of me recall the context. Let’s just say it was probably about Elon Musk and move on.
4. Freedom from religion
What a phrase! Yes, please and thank you! Believe what you want but leave the rest of us out of it.
My friend Grant had a card in his wallet with this phrase on it. He told me that he regularly donates to the Freedom From Religion Foundation and . . . the Satanic Temple because of their awesome work to keep church and state separate. (He had a card for them in his wallet, too, because he’s a total weirdo and is also an attorney who is passionate about civil liberties.) In the wake of Dobbs, the Satanic Temple has filed lawsuits in several states challenging new abortion laws, causing the good kind of Satanic panic.
5. 7-Eleven Crocs
When I first saw this, I kept checking my watch to make sure it wasn’t April 1st. Alas, it is not, and these are indeed a thing.
Is there sufficient brand loyalty among 7-11 shoppers to justify this collaboration?
I could see a Dunkin’ or Starbucks crossover, but to me, 7-11 is just a place you go when you have to, not because you want to—like Applebee’s.
Maybe 7-11 fandom is some sort of ironic Gen Z thing.
Needs no further explanation:
7. Signior Dildo
This gem of a phrase is the title of a 17th century poem by Lord John Wilmot, discovered in the “Vibrators” episode of the Maintenance Phase podcast (transcript at link). I highly recommend this podcast if you enjoy (or think you would enjoy) debunking health and wellness fads and rejecting diet culture.
8. Flipper pits
Saw this phrase on Sharon McMahon’s IG stories, where “America’s Government Teacher” shares how government works and explains top political news stories, interspersed with cute animal videos. Highly recommend.
Apparently, manatees feed their young via a mammary gland under their front flippers, aka “flipper pits” (not the actual term, just the one used in the IG story).
Side note: I am that “lifelong learner/trivia nerd” personality who will 100% click a link that reads “Manatee Facts.”
9. Maggi Sauce
Saw this spelled “Maggie Sauce,” likely an autocorrect misdemeanor. I’d never heard of it because, as I’ll remind you once again, I’m an uncultured rube. I looked it up and learned that Maggi seasoning originated in Switzerland and is more common in other countries than the U.S. and is essentially similar to soy sauce with a little more oomph.
That’s it for this week. Thanks for reading!
It looks like enough of us were both curious and furious enough to reject MAGA extremism this past election. 🌊 Turns out people prefer their government officials to be qualified and boring and to not incite insurrections and spout conspiracy theories and lies designed to get them votes, media attention, and wealth while stripping away rights from vulnerable groups. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Feeling pretty thankful for that right now.