NTMP 151: Farttown Fart Facts
Step into my hot tub Pop-Tart machine
Pop-Tart machine * Stucky Fic * Butter Lady * Neologist * Donut Window * Fishtown Fish Facts * Roland the Farter
The Phrases, With Context
If you’re a new subscriber, welcome! If you’ve been around a while, hi again. It’s me! I’m back! I appreciate your support for however long you’ve joined me on this weird and random ride through the strange beauty of language.
But first: A 2025 year in review
I won’t belabor recapping the year, because I don’t want to add to the onslaught of what Brian Merchant calls the “benevolent plague of listmaking.”
But I thought it would be fun to grab a couple of stats from the year:
22 posts
140 phrases
We started 2025 with Bum Farto, which remains one of my all-time favorite entries.
And we’re ending with with Roland the Farter. I would much rather remember this year for farts than for the attempted dismantling of American democracy.
As for 2026, I’m planning on shopping a book proposal about this project and will have some new fun stuff for you in January! If you know anyone who’d like this newsletter, please share it with them.
OK, it’s time for phrases. This week, we have fatty feasts, surprise hyphenates, what would make a very weird Patreon account in any era, and more.
Let’s get to it!
1. Pop-Tart machine
Not only is this phrase a great replacement for “toaster,” it’s an excuse for me to link to the annual Hater’s Guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalog from Drew Magary at Defector. If Pop-Tarts sold a toaster called a Pop-Tart Machine it would sell like . . . Pop-Tarts.
I almost went with Rowenta’s powerful steamers as the phrase from this year’s Hater’s Guide, but you’ll have to read the whole thing for that context. The guide is especially on point in this era of the broligarch.
Side note: 2025 is the year I learned that Pop-Tarts is a hyphenated phrase. There’s a little dot after Pop in the brand name that represents the hyphen. 🤯 Also, did you know they make a flavor based on the coconut caramel Girl Scout cookie?
2. Stucky fic
I’m gonna open this by saying: I have neither read nor watched the wildly popular gay hockey romance Heated Rivalry yet. I’ll get around to it, but I’m the opposite of an early adopter.
Adam Bumas recently wrote something at Garbage Day that caught my eye:
Yes, Heated Rivalry Did Start As A Stucky Fic.
And that’s how I learned that the series is likely based on slash fic about Marvel characters Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes (aka Stucky). In case you don’t know, slash fic is fan fiction pairing two characters of the same gender. Classics include Kirk and Spock from Star Trek and Harry and Ron from Harry Potter.
Side note - If you’d enjoy an insightful analysis of our current hellscape, I highly rec the title segment from this Garbage Day post, Here are 12 photographs of eggs . . . you can bet on.
3. Butter Lady
Earlier this month I devoured a three-book fantasy series based on pre-tsarist Russian folklore by Kathleen Arden that begins with The Bear and the Nightingale.
According to Arden, Maslenitsa (Butter Lady) started as an Eastern Slavic pagan festival that marked the end of winter. Maslo is Russian for butter or oil, and “itsa” is a feminine diminutive rather like -ita in Spanish. Maslenitsa was folded into the Orthodox church as a feast before Lent comparable to Carnival in the west. People baked round cakes symbolizing the sun using the last of the butter before a period of fasting. Today, Russian pancakes (blini) are central to the festival, but my people, the Ukrainians, make pierogi. Sign me up!
4. Neologist
Imagine my excitement upon encountering this word.
From Merriam-Webster’s definition of neology:
The use of a new word or expression or of an established word in a new or different sense : the use of new expressions that are not sanctioned by conventional standard usage : the introduction of such expressions into a language
BRB adding neologist to my LinkedIn profile.
5. Donut Window
I didn’t know I needed a donut window in my life until I saw one. I’ll even allow for the inferior spelling of doughnut here. You can find this magical portal to fried dough at a local orchard that hosts our farmers market during the winter. It’s in an outbuilding stocked with landfill core Americana that was made in China - a vibe that is very much of this era, where we keep trying to approximate a quality vibe from the past but find it’s cheaper to just outsource it.
I regret not getting a photo of the actual window, only the sign. Or the incredible fresh doughnut I procured from said donut window. Who’s approximating quality now? Anyway, here’s an ugly sign that captures the essence of the (Credit Card Only) experience:
At least the donut was really good.
6. Fishtown Fish Facts
I love random street art so much. This one has to be told in screenshots because the posters themselves are so good.
Sarah McAnulty, Ph.D. recently posted this on Bluesky:
And someone replied by sharing another poster:
If you think I’m not making something like this for my town but about birds, well, you don’t know me at all.
7. Roland the Farter
And here we arrive at the final phrase of 2025. Spotted via my favorite curator at Depths of Wikipedia. Live events are happening again in 2026 and one will be in Chicago this February (!!!!). Raise your hand if you want to go with me!
According to Ye Olde Wikipedia, Roland was a flautist who lived in England during the 12th century. (We can assume that “the Farter” was not his surname.) King Henry II gave Roland an estate and land for performing “a jump, a whistle, and a fart” for the king’s court each Christmas. While commonplace on their own, the these three acts were performed simultaneously by Roland each year. I wonder what his pregame was like. Stretching, breath work, and muesli?
It’s giving David Letterman’s Stupid Human Tricks, but for the 12th century.
Bonus Bit
Hot Takes on Pantone’s Color of the Year:
You may have read that Pantone chose “cloud dancer,” aka “white” as the 2026 color of the year. A little on the nose with all the white supremacy going around, but don’t worry, the internet has responded:
That’s it for this edition! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious, and I’ll see you next year.