NTMP #15: Nacho Specialist I
Welcome to Cleveland.
New-to-me Phrases, May 8, 2022
Food portal * A sentient D&D game * Bird truthers * Pickles the Alligator * Silver tsunami * Repair fairs * Roofvertising * Chicagwa * Golden-con * NACCHO
The Phrases, With Context
It’s been a fruitful week here at NTMP HQ, with canned water, giggling at tools (lol), epic sight gags, and apt animal names.
1. Food Portal
My first reaction to this phrase was, “I thought this was a mouth?”
My second was joy upon learning that there is an actual section of Wikipedia called FOOD that’s “dedicated to food and foodways” that’s referenced internally as the food portal.
I’ll allow it.
2. A sentient D&D game
Me, describing the turn-of-the-century design sensibility of someone that a colleague quickly regretted hiring for a web and print marketing project.
Subtitle: Referrals gone wrong.
Sidebar: I love D&D, gamers, and RPGs, but I don’t exactly look to the genre for a cutting-edge design aesthetic.
3. Bird truthers
One of my favorite things about collecting these phrases is when friends text me beauties like this one. I’ve known about this ‘birds aren’t real’ bit for years, but don’t think I’ve seen this phrase associated with it. (h/t to my friend Rebecca.)
4. Pickles the Alligator
Is there a better name for an alligator? I don’t think so.
Alligators resemble pickles like a Snickers bar resembles a . . .
What were we talking about? Anyway, Pickles is a great pet name in general.
You can even pre-order your very own Pickles the Alligator if you’re into that sort of thing. Which I definitely am.
5. Silver tsunami
I’d never heard this phrase before, but apparently it’s been around for a few years. The American Society on Aging describes it as “a common expression used to describe the unprecedented increase in the number of older people in the world.”
Seems like a great time to implement one of your pet initiatives to eliminate Social Security and Medicare, doesn’t it, Republicans?
6. Repair fairs
I’ve been a fan of tool lending libraries for a while now. Mutual aid, community pantries, tool sharing (lol) - all awesome ideas. Enter the Chicago Tool Library (lol), “a community library for tools instead of books!”
This org also hosts repair fairs (a catchy phrase!) at Chicago Public Libraries and other locations where locals can bring items that need repairing and volunteers who are good at that sort of thing set about trying to fix them.
Find a tool library near you at LocalTools.org (lol).
Note: The Woodstock Public Library food pantry located in the front entry was founded by my badass librarian pal Martha. Public libraries and librarians are a gift to us all.
7. Roofvertising
Because we humans aren’t terrible enough at ruining our planet, now we’ve gotta go and ruin the view of it from space. I guess an upside is that some companies are using solar panels to create logos that are visible from space, but still. Tacky!
HOWEVER, this story about a man who painted the words WELCOME TO CLEVELAND on a Milwaukee rooftop located on a flight path to the airport is pure joy. I’ve actually seen this while landing in Milwaukee and it’s my favorite sight gag of all time.
8. Chicagwa
My only note after adding the link to the master phrases Google doc was:
“Wa the fuck.”
The campaign to offer this Chicago-branded canned drinking water for free at events is both clever and cringeworthy.
I think I hate it.
(The word, not the idea. Clean drinking water for all is awesome!)
9. Golden-con
There’s a Golden Girls-themed convention in case you’re into that sort of thing.
Wake me when there’s an OG Magnum P.I. or Rockford Files con. (Look for me dressed as either Higgie Baby or Richie Brockelman.)
10. NACCHO
I believe I’ve found the coolest acronym. I will not be taking questions at this time.
While I don’t think I’ll ever hold a straight job again, I’d love to work for this org just so I can put “NACCHO Specialist I” on my resume.
I don’t have any more bandwidth for dumb side gigs, so would someone please buy nacho.org and do something great with it?
Bonus Round: Nonsense Phrases
Here’s a small collection of word mix-ups from a long-overdue getaway weekend with a friend. Names are removed to protect the innocent.
More vertically horizontal (my friend trying to describe making a rectangle look more square)
Tits and tricks (If I ever open a brothel, this will be its name)
Google Excel (IDK why I found this one so hilarious but I did and still do)
Chilly Feesteak (Objectively funny!)
That’s it for this week! Go forth and gather phrases!