NTMP #13: Call Them Deacon Blues

Your new pandemic fit.

New-to-me Phrases, April 24, 2022

Cocaine bear * Perineal plants * Gardenabler * Correctile dysfunction * chrisfarleyraejepsen * Bootleg Steely Dan sweatpants * Gasquatch

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The phrases, with context

This week we have roadside finds, beautiful typos, and a Sasquatch sighting.

Photo by Hans-Jurgen Mager on Unsplash

1. Cocaine bear

I don’t consciously refrain from gathering phrases with origin stories that are bummers. The entire point of this newsletter is to lighten our collective emotional load in this post-Trump, ongoing global pandemic era. Anyway, spoiler alert: There’s no violent or graphic content at the link, but this story is definitely a bummer for the bear.

However, there are so many plot twists and turns in this short account of “Pablo Escobear” (seriously, read to the end) that I still think it’s a worthwhile read. And a standalone epic phrase.

I vote we start calling polar bears cocaine bears. I’m sure they’d laugh right before eating us.

2. Perineal plants

Saw this typo/autocorrect masterpiece in replies to a gardening account on Instagram.

If you find plants growing there, see your medical provider, or maybe have your partner massage them with warm oil.

3. Gardenabler

Via my friend Kathleen, who is definitely a gardenabler, along with our friend Kelly. In our group text, whenever one of questions whether we should buy a plant, the reply is always: DO IT.

Anyway, I bought so. many. plants. They’re going to have a lovely home in a front yard bed where we tore out a juniper bush the size of a minivan. 🌼🌺🌻🌳🌸🌿

4. Correctile dysfunction

My friend Kelly the gardenabler shared this one with me on a Zoom call, and we giggled like idiots for a full minute. She was unsure of the origin, but it’s a solid alternative to mansplaining.

I found this piece that indicates that while the phrase goes back to 2006, its use on Twitter as an alternative to mansplaining started around 2017.

5. chrisfarleyraejepsen

I have no idea who this person is, but I love a good Reddit handle, don’t you?

6. Bootleg Steely Dan sweatpants

It’s nearly criminal that my friend David’s Twitter is locked, because almost everything he tweets is a gold.

A friend of his found these sweats at a garage sale, and David tracked down their creator, 419 Press. Fire up your Venmo, drink your big black cow and get outta here.

7. Gasquatch

My friend Jamie shared a pic of this place on IG and I replied “I would NOT want to be around for that.”

According to Roadside America, “The creature’s eyes light up at night. They can be seen from a mile away.” Totally normal and not creepy at all! (I’m looking at you, Blucifer.)