NTMP #11: Fleshy-headed mutant
Backpack couch snacks
New-to-me Phrases, April 10, 2022
The Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist * Zipper-free Xanadu * Sedentary GORP * Elevator white guy
The Phrases, With Context
1. The Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist
I would watch this movie, especially if they’d market it as Strange Brew 2.
This is old news but it’s new to me, so here you go.
Bonus: “Maple syrup strategic reserve” is also a killer phrase.
2. Zipper-free Xanadu
I need another minute to bask in what a great phrase this is. It doesn’t even really require context, but here it is anyway because a phrase this satisfying deserves credit.
3. Sedentary GORP
If you’re unfamiliar, GORP is a hiker/backpacker acronym for “Good Old Raisins and Peanuts,” aka the original trail mix.
A better acronym for this classic trail snack should be GORPMM, or more succinctly, “M&Ms,” because the M&Ms are all anyone ever really cares about.
Anyway, I coined the phrase sedentary GORP, a snack you tuck inside your laptop backpack before sitting around in a hotel or medical center, furtively tucking pepitas and M&Ms under your mask every few paragraphs.
4. Elevator white guy
I’m in Chicago this weekend, and first of all: What a beauty. It’s easy to forget, living in the boonies like I do, and being mostly homebound for ::checks watch:: 2.33 years, how much I love this city.
The light in spring here is really something and Lake Michigan is a stunner, if you forget about all the heavy metal poisoning and E. coli lurking beneath the surface.
I should host a travel show!
On this trip I noticed something I hadn’t picked up on before: White men who feel compelled to entertain everyone riding on an elevator. They do this in one of two ways: Loudly entertaining their kids while feeling confident that the rest of the people trapped with them will marvel at how clever they are. The second way is to loudly (always loudly) try to engage strangers by making witty comments like “Are we even MOVING?” or asking random kids whether there are sharks in the pool.
Maybe I’m just grumpy because I’m not here for fun like these clearly vacationing white guys. Maybe I don’t know how to people any more. And maybe this is just objectively annoying! Who can say for sure. That’s all I’ve got for this week. Time for another couple of elevator rides; wish me luck.